"There is no satisfactory explanation of style, no infallible guide to good writing, no assurance that a person who thinks clearly will be able to write clearly.... Writing good standard English is no cinch, and before you have managed it you will have encountered enough rough country to satisfy even the most adventurous spirit."--E.B. White, Strunk & White's Elements of Style, 4e, 2000.
The following examples, culled from the labors of students, faculty, and administrators, provide several counties' worth of bumpy travel. The editors encourage readers to submit candidates for these prose badlands.
"One of Lieutenant Moore's pet peeves is he will never leave a soldier behind alive or dead."
"The U.S. repeated it 90 years later when the South would succeed from the Union."
"Although this guy isn't totally out of his mind, he did make some good points."
"Studies have shown that, with proper management, hunters pose no threat to animal endangerment."
"Gary had been a member of the Green Barrettes."
"Are there too many unanswered questions between the two stories to be able to not be able to decide what one believes?"
"When playing their roles, the citizens have justice in their soles." [On Plato's Republic, in which an ideal society is built from the ground up.]
"One of Socrates' principles is that you must never do wrong, even when you ought to." [That Socrates! He always goes too far.]
Employee: "I've injured my back again. The doctor says you'll have to move me to a sedimentary job."
"The way to Hell is paved with good intentions." Students were asked to explain this figurative expression in non-figurative terms, and then evaluate its truth for human guidance.
Student A:
"How can one argue that living a life that leads to the proverbial hell has good intentions? By definition this cannot happen; a person living a very immoral and selfish life cannot have good intentions toward life in general and other human beings. I realize that this description is rather vague, but I think the subject this paper is on is also a pretty vague one to argue about."
Student B:
"It can be a good instruction of what not to do if seen the right way. A proverb is meant to leave some open ground for you to see it for what it is, which is usually sound advice, and so it can be applied to many different situations. Granted the road to Hell has no pavement, and Hell really has no good intentions, but if you took everything in life literally you would probably end up committed anyway."
Student C:
"This proverb is not true for these three reasons: criminals are sent to Hell for their actions, Heaven's way is paved with good intentions, and innocent people are sent to Hell for the wrong reasons."
From a slickly printed brochure soliciting funds for a new university building:
"The [building] will overcome significant facility limitations currently used by College programs and departments. [...] With the [building, the university] will be able to better fulfill its mission and reputation of excellence in technical and business education."
From a student progress report. One main objective in the class learning to write thesis statements:
"Another problem is that it is hard to decide on a thesis statement when every time we think of one, the teacher (you) is never happy with them. It would be alot easier if you would just give us our thesis statement so we didn't have to keep getting them rejected."
From student practice with job application letters. These were supposed to contain no errors, and to avoid overuse of exaggeration and the "I" pronoun.
Student A:
"I discovered you job advertisement on Monster.com and it peeked my curiosity. I have a strong understanding of PLC's, a vast knowledge of mechanical and electrical systems, plus my own tools."
Student B:
"You may think my degree has nothing to do with being a parole officer, but I think it does. Many of my friends from class have spent time in jail and I am familiar with the system that they must go through in order to be re-released as productive citizens."
Student C:
"I besiege you to allow a personal interview based of my qualifications. I ask that you please contact me at 555-5555, please leave a message if I do not answer. I look forward to your response, if any."
Student D:
"If you would like to interview me about the requirements of the job, or have any inquisitions to my résumé I can be reached at home (406-555-5555) or on my cell phone (406-555-5555)."